I need to vent y’all. I’m irritated and my feelings are wee bit hurt.
I shouldn’t be aggravated; I shouldn’t let this have any effect on me at all really. I am aware that I am choosing to be hurt by this situation and that was not the intention of the persons who have me feeling this way, but there it is.
So you remember about the new family addition, yes? Well, as I mentioned, there were some smallish complications at birth and I was told this is why they were keeping her in NICU for an extended period. Wednesday, I finally was able to go to the hospital for an introduction. SIL was super happy to see me and she and I had lots of quality time with the newest Little Miss.
As I am holding her and giving her a bottle, which she took like a champ, I asked my SIL to tell me more about the infection she’s fighting and what all it means for her health, what were our concerns, that sort of thing.
That’s when she says that – and I quote here - it’s a little leftover something from the birth mother, that one day it will be the little girl’s story to tell, and that’s all she’s going to say on the matter. WTF?
Now y’all, I am not good with secrets. I keep them and will take them to the grave, but if you have one and you don’t intend to share it with me then you best just keep it to yourself. And, considering that we are a close family and considering that if my kids have so much as a cold she and the MIL are all over me wanting details on how folks are doing, I find it to be a bit of a fuck you decision.
It doesn’t take a Nancy Drew genius to deduce that this sweet little angel is likely being treated and monitored for drug addiction/withdrawal. If you google NAS I witnessed the treatment pretty much exactly. SIL mentioned that birth mother was a bit of hot tragic mess so it’s fairly easy to deduce given how seemingly healthy Little Miss is on the outside.
So apparently, I am not a trustworthy enough family member to be told this little detail. Because what, I’ll judge her for it? I’ll tell a toddler her real mommy was a junky? I’ll think poorly that they adopted a little girl that would have had a shit life otherwise? Really? Really???
I know it sounds ridiculous that I’m hurt to not be included or trusted, but I honestly feel insulted. Last night I was included in a mass email they sent to what appears to be everyone in their phone book. It was written from the baby’s voice, which don’t even get me started on that shit, I guess was supposed to explain to people their choice.
“I know ya'll are worried about me, but I promise the doctor is taking good care of me and one day when I'm bigger I will tell you all about it. My mommy and daddy have been reading all these adoption books and they just want to make sure they get it right or as right at they can for me. That's why there are being so quiet about things, thanks for letting them do that.”
You know I get that they may want to keep this part of it all from every Tom, Dick and Harry they know, but from immediate family? Family that would never dream of using this information in a hurtful manner? Because of a book? I am no more trusted than coworkers and college friends? Nice.
Again, I know that this is me being a make it all about me bitch. I do. And this is why I am venting it out here and not to family. I am very very shitty at hiding my feelings and I refuse to let the SIL see that this has ruffled my feathers. This is their call and I will not say a fucking word about it to them. I guess I should be glad to have found out how they really feel about me and what group of people Hubs and I fit into. (BIL took a call from his sister while we were at dinner after seeing baby and he said to her that no, she couldn’t go home yet, but that he couldn’t talk about it right that second and he’d call her back. I guess his family is adoption book approved.)
Thanks for letting me blow that out y’all. I don’t need my ego and my opinions have a negative consequence when dealing with people I just don’t get. This is not the first time I’ve been driven crazy by her and her choices, I will get over it. Feel free to call me out for being so not understanding.