I
need to vent y’all. I’m irritated and my
feelings are wee bit hurt.
I
shouldn’t be aggravated; I shouldn’t let this have any effect on me at all
really. I am aware that I am choosing to
be hurt by this situation and that was not the intention of the persons who
have me feeling this way, but there it is.
So
you remember about the new family addition, yes? Well, as I mentioned, there were some
smallish complications at birth and I was told this is why they were keeping
her in NICU for an extended period. Wednesday,
I finally was able to go to the hospital for an introduction. SIL was super happy to see me and she and I
had lots of quality time with the newest Little Miss.
As
I am holding her and giving her a bottle, which she took like a champ, I asked
my SIL to tell me more about the infection she’s fighting and what all it means
for her health, what were our concerns, that sort of thing.
That’s
when she says that – and I quote here - it’s
a little leftover something from the birth mother, that one day it will be the
little girl’s story to tell, and that’s all she’s going to say on the
matter. WTF?
Now
y’all, I am not good with secrets. I
keep them and will take them to the grave, but if you have one and you don’t
intend to share it with me then you best just keep it to yourself. And, considering that we are a close family
and considering that if my kids have so much as a cold she and the MIL are all
over me wanting details on how folks are doing, I find it to be a bit of a fuck
you decision.
It
doesn’t take a Nancy Drew genius to deduce that this sweet little angel is
likely being treated and monitored for drug addiction/withdrawal. If you google NAS I witnessed the treatment
pretty much exactly. SIL mentioned that
birth mother was a bit of hot tragic mess so it’s fairly easy to deduce given
how seemingly healthy Little Miss is on the outside.
So
apparently, I am not a trustworthy enough family member to be told this little
detail. Because what, I’ll judge her for
it? I’ll tell a toddler her real mommy
was a junky? I’ll think poorly that they
adopted a little girl that would have had a shit life otherwise? Really?
Really???
I
know it sounds ridiculous that I’m hurt to not be included or trusted, but I
honestly feel insulted. Last night I was
included in a mass email they sent to what appears to be everyone in their
phone book. It was written from the baby’s
voice, which don’t even get me started on that shit, I guess was supposed to
explain to people their choice.
“I know
ya'll are worried about me, but I promise the doctor is taking good care of me
and one day when I'm bigger I will tell you all about it. My mommy and
daddy have been reading all these adoption books and they just want to make
sure they get it right or as right at they can for me. That's why there are
being so quiet about things, thanks for letting them do that.”
You
know I get that they may want to keep this part of it all from every Tom, Dick
and Harry they know, but from immediate family?
Family that would never dream of using this information in a hurtful
manner? Because of a book? I am no more
trusted than coworkers and college friends?
Nice.
Again,
I know that this is me being a make it all about me bitch. I do.
And this is why I am venting it out here and not to family. I am very very shitty at hiding my feelings
and I refuse to let the SIL see that this has ruffled my feathers. This is their call and I will not say a fucking
word about it to them. I guess I should
be glad to have found out how they really feel about me and what group of
people Hubs and I fit into. (BIL took a
call from his sister while we were at dinner after seeing baby and he said to
her that no, she couldn’t go home yet, but that he couldn’t talk about it right
that second and he’d call her back. I
guess his family is adoption book approved.)
Thanks
for letting me blow that out y’all. I
don’t need my ego and my opinions have a negative consequence when dealing with
people I just don’t get. This is not the
first time I’ve been driven crazy by her and her choices, I will get over
it. Feel free to call me out for being
so not understanding.
10 comments:
I'm not too sure but is this their first child? I don't know about you but I went bat crap crazy on what the books said to do and what they said not to do all in the name of Dr Sears and What to Expect the First year among other crap books.
Just be patient with her and maybe she'll come around.
If only she understood that the more everyone else knew the better they could all help her cope.
Ugh, please don't let it be heroin. I've been reading a tumblr of someone who's mother used while pregnant with her. Yeah it's a huge awful cluster of tragedy.
i would be mad too.. you're family, and it is nothing to be judgemental about anyway.
and i know you can keep a secret... you havent told anyone about our affair for years now...
Hope this helps.
http://youtu.be/FM-EXPihO9w
Dude, she's the type that writes in the baby's voice, and it catches you by surprise that she would want to keep the obvious a secret? I'm surprised she did't keep the gender a secret as to "not impose gender norms on the baby." Don't be hurt. It's not that she doesn't trust you, it's about her and some weird stigma she has mythologized in her own head.
ay yi yi. well it seems like they are taking the overprotective route. i guess i understand it, sort of, but it would be nice to be open and honest with those that they are close to.
my bro and sister-n-law had a foster kid. they really didn't want to talk about the mother of the kid, but i slowly learned that she was a drug addict and she would probably never get her kid back. so bro and SNL eventually ended up adopting the little girl, and everybody is happy (with the possible exception to the birth mother, but she made her choices, or her addiction did).
and, like you mention, why would ANY OF US HOLD IT AGAINST THE LITTLE GIRL that her mother was a drug addict?!?!? who would DO that?!?!?!? cripes!
you, my dear, are quite the little minx.
What do i have to get you to do to tell me more about that night things got weird....?
What matters here is only that you are hurt; so it's good to vent your frustrations honestly.
I'll admit that I, too, would be stung under similar circumstances - especially if I thought that SOME exceptions were being made in the whole "secrecy" code for certain family members and not for me.
Whether or not that makes me shallow, it's true. I would want to be one of the trusted.
So yeah. I hear you. But I'm guessing that they have only good intentions here. The think they're doing what's best not trying to hurt you. So focus on that rather than how shitty it makes you feel.
For what it's worth, I appreciate that you always share your true feelings here. That's what makes you the kind of person anyone could and should trust.
WHAT?!?!!?! Really? When she's the wonderful Aunt who's there for everything? and now she's going to exclude you from THIS?? Is she ashamed of her daughter already?? And his family can know all the details?
I'm hurt right for you! How can you be there to help her through this if she doesn't know she can lean on you with all the gory details and stuff?
Ok. Now that we've vented, we can move on and love the daylights out of the wee-one when she comes home.
My sister, my ONLY sister pulls that crap on us all the time.
Everything is THEIR secret, and only Auntie, and grandparents be damned.
Its only our concern if THEY chose to share with us. New parents should really stop taking everything they read in a book and making it the absolute law..
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